Reflection

Prom recently passed and graduation has just happened as well.
The idea of these kids going to college next year is surreal.
I can't even begin to describe how strange it is to see all of them with their prom dresses/suits, graduation caps and gowns.
Only a few years ago they were coming to the high school for a freshmen orientation.

These are all events that they will be telling their children about in 20 years from now.
These are all events that I will never have experienced first hand.
When I think about it all, it really makes me upset.
It makes me wonder where I would be today, had I not gotten really ill and dropped out of school and moved to North Carolina.

Who would I have gone to senior prom with?
What would my tux look like?
What would happen after the prom down at the shore?
How would it feel to walk and get my High School Diploma?
Where would I have gone to college?

There are tons upon tons of questions that I will never be able to answer.

A lot of people were very supportive when the entire school situation was going on for me. Most think that it is inspiring that I am doing what I love to do despite what as happened.
Honestly, they believe that it was my conscious choice to leave school early and move.

At the time, my entire life was upside down.
I did not know what to do.
I couldn't sleep because my mind was filled with fear that I was going to lose myself.
Not to mention I was suffering from a bad case of mono which constantly made me feel lifeless.
My family had been torn apart.
Most people I called my friends completely abandoned me and stabbed me in the back.
I was severely depressed and on the edge of doing something very terrible.
I had no car which lead to no job, which lead to no money.
Without anything but the memories of a time where my family was together and my friends were forever, where I had a home to be happy in--now just an empty, decrepit house that was stripped away of its past persona.

I had hit rock bottom.
There was no way life could have been worse for me.
So what now?
I was desperate to grab onto anything above me to pull myself up.

I did what I needed to do in order to keep myself from ending up dead.

Do not ever fucking envy me for the battles I have won in my life.
The war is not over yet.